Funny phone conversations
Sept 3, 2020 20:26:32 GMT -7
via mobile
cowgirlup, crashdive123, and 2 more like this
Post by Ceorlmann on Sept 3, 2020 20:26:32 GMT -7
So these are actual phone conversations between my former band officer from New Orleans, and two spam callers (worker and supervisor). This band officer reached his 30-year mark while I was down there, and he went on to become our monitor for our job in the Corps itself (meaning he worked at the Pentagon for all things related to Marine Corps music). He retired a few years afterward, and picked up a job of being the director for a military academy in New Orleans. He was one of the last active duty Marines who served in Desert Shield/Desert Storm when I came back to active duty in 2015.
Enjoy!
Yesterday (Sept. 2):
SPAM Caller: Hello, yadda yadda extended warranty for your vehicle yadda yadda what vehicle are you currently driving?
Me: a 2023 Ford Camaro
Spam: Wonderful, how do you like your vehicle?
Me: It’s impossible.
Spam: That’s great, my supervisor will call you back to offer you a great deal for an extended warranty?
Me: You have extended warranties for fictitious cars?
Spam: Yes, we have extended warranties for all makes and models.
Me: Are you paying attention?
Spam: Yes sir, I am paying attention. I take my job very seriously. My supervisor will call you back regarding an extended warranty for your.... 2023 Ford Camaro.
Me: Even a fictitious one?
Spam: Yes, all makes and models, is that a special edition?
Me: So special, you’re the only one I’ve told.
Spam: Wonderful, that is wonderful... we have extended warranties for all makes and models, even your special edition... “ficklicious” vehicle. My supervisor will call you back.
Me: I’m looking forward to it....
And here's today Sept. 3):
SPAM Supervisor: Hello, how are you today?
Me: I am very well thank you, and how are you?
SPAM: I am fine.
Me: For now.
SPAM: Yes? You are the owner of a 2023 Ford Camaro…. “Flicklicious” edition?
Me: A what?
SPAM: ….special edition.
Me: of what?
SPAM: Your car, what kind of car you drive?
Me: What kind did you just say?
SPAM: a…. 2023 Ford Camaro; that is what I have - that is what you have?
Me: I would like to speak to your supervisor.
SPAM: That is me. I am the supervisor. I am calling to setup your extended warranty for your vehicle.
Me: You want to give me a warranty for a car that hasn’t been made yet?
SPAM: What?
Me: Where are you?
SPAM: Why, that is not important.
Me: I think it is. I’d like to know that your business is on the same planet and year I am.
SPAM: Yes of course I am on the same planet as you, what kind of questioning is that?
Me: …is it 2020 where you are?
SPAM: Yes, yes of course - are you wasting my time?
Me: Not any more than you are mine, but let’s indulge for a little while shall we? There is a teachable moment here?
SPAM: I am not wasting your time, I am a business man.
Me: If you say so - SO, would you consider this phone call a business meeting?
SPAM: Yes. Absolutely. We are conducting Buisiness.
Me: Would you consider this an important business meeting - as there is a potential sale?
SPAM: …..yes, your business is important to me.
Me: Yeah well…. I’m not getting that impression.
SPAM: WHY? Why not?
Me: Because you did not come to this meeting prepared.
SPAM: Yes, yes - I am prepared. I am prepared to offer you an extended warranty on your 2023 Ford Camaro
Me: What kind of car?
SPAM: 2023 Ford Camaro
Me: a what?
SPAM: 2023 Ford Camaro!!
Me: ...You don’t see anything wrong with what you just told me.
SPAM: What? No.... nothing is.... oh, I see the year is wrong. The clerk made a mistake, that is just a mistake.
Me: Perhaps, but if MY business is important to YOU as you say, you would have prepared for this meeting and found that mistake BEFORE you called me.
SPAM: Yes yes, it is an error. It is a mistake. What year is your car.
Me: We’re not there yet, you haven’t earned my trust.
SPAM: Trust? I am not lying to you, you are wasting my time.
Me: No argument there. *snort*
SPAM: I AM NOT ARGUING WITH YOU!!!
Me: Sir, is this how you conduct a professional Buisiness meeting where you are from? And hope to make a sale from a new client? If this is your idea of professional business practice then I….
SPAM: I am…. …. I am sorry.
(Holy crap I never expected an apology!!! LOL)
Me: Excuse me?
SPAM: Sorry, it is a mistake, but I didn’t make it.
Me: May I point out another error?
SPAM: What?
Me: Do you know anything about American cars.
SPAM: Yes, yes. Of course!!
Me: Read again what kind of car you said I have.
SPAM: Ford Camaro ….yes, but I need to know what year it now.
Me: What kind of car?
SPAM: FORD CAMA…. …Camaro is a Chevrolet.
Me: Wow, I’m impressed you know that.
SPAM: Why, why should I not know that. I am not an idiot! I deal with cars everyday! I sell extended warranties for all kinds of makes and models.
Me: Then you should have known. You are not doing well at earning my business trust.
SPAM: WHAT FOR! I AM NOT LYING TO YOU!
Me: You offered my an extended warranty on a car that hasn’t even been made yet and doesn’t even exist.
SPAM: My clerk made a mistake.
Me: So did you. You did not prepare for this meeting. I think I am more prepared for this phone call than you. Had you have been prepared, you would have read the notes and found both mistakes. Then you could have asked your clerk why it didn’t make sense.
SPAM: I don’t know which clerk you talked to.
Me: Neither do I, but as a LEADER you should have your employees document their work so that if you find an error, as in this case, you know who to go to for clarification, and if they continue to make mistakes, as a LEADER you know which employees requires more or better training.
SPAM: Yes yes, right, whatever. You are wasting my time.
Me: Sir, it is becoming apparent to me that I was more prepared for this phone call than you. You claim to be a business man yet are not prepared and do not practice basic fundamentals of a successful Business.
SPAM: WHO THE F**K ARE YOU?!?!?!
(Yes!! I got him to curse)
Me: I beg your pardon sir? I teach Leadership & Character development to High School students... and your language…
SPAM: …I am sorry, I am - sorry. It has been…. I am sorry.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you at this point.
SPAM: I cannot correct the mistakes made - I do not know who made them.
Me: I understand. That’s unfortunate.
SPAM: So, can you tell me what make and model vehicle?
Me: Are you serious?
SPAM: Yes, very serious, I am a business man <looking for place on card again I guess> I am prepared yadda yadda extended warranty your vehicle yadda yadda doesn’t that sound great?
Me: It does if it were possible.
SPAM. Of course it is possible! I do this every day! You are wasting my time! What is your vehicle!!!
Me: Are you paying attention?
SPAM: YES!!
Me: A YT-1300 Corellian light freighter
(thanks Christopher E. Carey, someone who commented on the conversation from yesterday)
SPAM: A what?
Me: What, you’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
SPAM: What is that?
Me: It made the Kessel Run-in less than 12 parsecs.
SPAM: YOU ARE F**KING WITH ME
Me: Sir, if you have never seen Star Wars I don’t know how or if I can…
SPAM: YOU ARE A$$HOLE!!! YOU!! ARE!!! A$$HOLE!!!!
Me: I have one, yes.
SPAM: #%$&^%&@#$&& (foreign language cursing I assume)
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand you…
SPAM: %^^*$@#$^&^%@#$ *CLICK*
Me: (in my best *Maui voice) “Youuuu’re Welcome!!!”
*Character in the Disney movie “Moana”
Enjoy!
Yesterday (Sept. 2):
SPAM Caller: Hello, yadda yadda extended warranty for your vehicle yadda yadda what vehicle are you currently driving?
Me: a 2023 Ford Camaro
Spam: Wonderful, how do you like your vehicle?
Me: It’s impossible.
Spam: That’s great, my supervisor will call you back to offer you a great deal for an extended warranty?
Me: You have extended warranties for fictitious cars?
Spam: Yes, we have extended warranties for all makes and models.
Me: Are you paying attention?
Spam: Yes sir, I am paying attention. I take my job very seriously. My supervisor will call you back regarding an extended warranty for your.... 2023 Ford Camaro.
Me: Even a fictitious one?
Spam: Yes, all makes and models, is that a special edition?
Me: So special, you’re the only one I’ve told.
Spam: Wonderful, that is wonderful... we have extended warranties for all makes and models, even your special edition... “ficklicious” vehicle. My supervisor will call you back.
Me: I’m looking forward to it....
And here's today Sept. 3):
SPAM Supervisor: Hello, how are you today?
Me: I am very well thank you, and how are you?
SPAM: I am fine.
Me: For now.
SPAM: Yes? You are the owner of a 2023 Ford Camaro…. “Flicklicious” edition?
Me: A what?
SPAM: ….special edition.
Me: of what?
SPAM: Your car, what kind of car you drive?
Me: What kind did you just say?
SPAM: a…. 2023 Ford Camaro; that is what I have - that is what you have?
Me: I would like to speak to your supervisor.
SPAM: That is me. I am the supervisor. I am calling to setup your extended warranty for your vehicle.
Me: You want to give me a warranty for a car that hasn’t been made yet?
SPAM: What?
Me: Where are you?
SPAM: Why, that is not important.
Me: I think it is. I’d like to know that your business is on the same planet and year I am.
SPAM: Yes of course I am on the same planet as you, what kind of questioning is that?
Me: …is it 2020 where you are?
SPAM: Yes, yes of course - are you wasting my time?
Me: Not any more than you are mine, but let’s indulge for a little while shall we? There is a teachable moment here?
SPAM: I am not wasting your time, I am a business man.
Me: If you say so - SO, would you consider this phone call a business meeting?
SPAM: Yes. Absolutely. We are conducting Buisiness.
Me: Would you consider this an important business meeting - as there is a potential sale?
SPAM: …..yes, your business is important to me.
Me: Yeah well…. I’m not getting that impression.
SPAM: WHY? Why not?
Me: Because you did not come to this meeting prepared.
SPAM: Yes, yes - I am prepared. I am prepared to offer you an extended warranty on your 2023 Ford Camaro
Me: What kind of car?
SPAM: 2023 Ford Camaro
Me: a what?
SPAM: 2023 Ford Camaro!!
Me: ...You don’t see anything wrong with what you just told me.
SPAM: What? No.... nothing is.... oh, I see the year is wrong. The clerk made a mistake, that is just a mistake.
Me: Perhaps, but if MY business is important to YOU as you say, you would have prepared for this meeting and found that mistake BEFORE you called me.
SPAM: Yes yes, it is an error. It is a mistake. What year is your car.
Me: We’re not there yet, you haven’t earned my trust.
SPAM: Trust? I am not lying to you, you are wasting my time.
Me: No argument there. *snort*
SPAM: I AM NOT ARGUING WITH YOU!!!
Me: Sir, is this how you conduct a professional Buisiness meeting where you are from? And hope to make a sale from a new client? If this is your idea of professional business practice then I….
SPAM: I am…. …. I am sorry.
(Holy crap I never expected an apology!!! LOL)
Me: Excuse me?
SPAM: Sorry, it is a mistake, but I didn’t make it.
Me: May I point out another error?
SPAM: What?
Me: Do you know anything about American cars.
SPAM: Yes, yes. Of course!!
Me: Read again what kind of car you said I have.
SPAM: Ford Camaro ….yes, but I need to know what year it now.
Me: What kind of car?
SPAM: FORD CAMA…. …Camaro is a Chevrolet.
Me: Wow, I’m impressed you know that.
SPAM: Why, why should I not know that. I am not an idiot! I deal with cars everyday! I sell extended warranties for all kinds of makes and models.
Me: Then you should have known. You are not doing well at earning my business trust.
SPAM: WHAT FOR! I AM NOT LYING TO YOU!
Me: You offered my an extended warranty on a car that hasn’t even been made yet and doesn’t even exist.
SPAM: My clerk made a mistake.
Me: So did you. You did not prepare for this meeting. I think I am more prepared for this phone call than you. Had you have been prepared, you would have read the notes and found both mistakes. Then you could have asked your clerk why it didn’t make sense.
SPAM: I don’t know which clerk you talked to.
Me: Neither do I, but as a LEADER you should have your employees document their work so that if you find an error, as in this case, you know who to go to for clarification, and if they continue to make mistakes, as a LEADER you know which employees requires more or better training.
SPAM: Yes yes, right, whatever. You are wasting my time.
Me: Sir, it is becoming apparent to me that I was more prepared for this phone call than you. You claim to be a business man yet are not prepared and do not practice basic fundamentals of a successful Business.
SPAM: WHO THE F**K ARE YOU?!?!?!
(Yes!! I got him to curse)
Me: I beg your pardon sir? I teach Leadership & Character development to High School students... and your language…
SPAM: …I am sorry, I am - sorry. It has been…. I am sorry.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you at this point.
SPAM: I cannot correct the mistakes made - I do not know who made them.
Me: I understand. That’s unfortunate.
SPAM: So, can you tell me what make and model vehicle?
Me: Are you serious?
SPAM: Yes, very serious, I am a business man <looking for place on card again I guess> I am prepared yadda yadda extended warranty your vehicle yadda yadda doesn’t that sound great?
Me: It does if it were possible.
SPAM. Of course it is possible! I do this every day! You are wasting my time! What is your vehicle!!!
Me: Are you paying attention?
SPAM: YES!!
Me: A YT-1300 Corellian light freighter
(thanks Christopher E. Carey, someone who commented on the conversation from yesterday)
SPAM: A what?
Me: What, you’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
SPAM: What is that?
Me: It made the Kessel Run-in less than 12 parsecs.
SPAM: YOU ARE F**KING WITH ME
Me: Sir, if you have never seen Star Wars I don’t know how or if I can…
SPAM: YOU ARE A$$HOLE!!! YOU!! ARE!!! A$$HOLE!!!!
Me: I have one, yes.
SPAM: #%$&^%&@#$&& (foreign language cursing I assume)
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand you…
SPAM: %^^*$@#$^&^%@#$ *CLICK*
Me: (in my best *Maui voice) “Youuuu’re Welcome!!!”
*Character in the Disney movie “Moana”